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Sorry Mom—not sorry

Writer's picture: Michelle FungMichelle Fung

My mother is a traditional Confucian woman. Although she has the highest academic qualifications among her siblings (she graduated with a master's degree from the University of Hong Kong, an amazing academic qualification even for men of her time), she still cannot break free from social and internalised gender expectations.



family photo in 1984
family photo in 1984


Last week I chatted with my mom. She expressed regrets for not quitting her job to become a fulltime mom in the first few years of our lives. (Then, she could ignore my father's objections and pursue a doctorate and devote herself to academic research, but that's another story.)



family photo in 2024


My childhood felt whole, I responded. I can't tell you how much I loved my mom all dressed up to go to work every day and coming home in high heels. Every evening I watched cartoon in the living room, with my ears pressed against the door and waiting for mommy’s elegant clattering footsteps. As soon as I heard noise, I flew to the door like a tornado and burst into laughter. Friends who know me have all heard my laughter. That laughter from the bottom of my belly has really been cultivated since childhood. My parents have a nickname for me “the crazy laughing one.”


I was basically raised by domestic helpers. I've experienced several different “aunties”, and in essence I liked them all. The one I remember most is Susan. During primary school, I would go food shopping with her on Saturdays whenever I didn’t have school. At that time, the Mid-Levels escalator did not exist, so we walked up and down the slopes to Central Market to buy meat and vegetables. For me, who spent all my time at home, the bustling streets full of smell, colours and texture were beyond exciting. This may have planted my fond seed for the love of the market. Today I still go to the market to buy meat and vegetables. During my travels, I particularly like to wander through the local street markets, stimulated by the sharp smells of the fish, raw meat and vegetables. I love buying ingredients that I can’t name at all, and cook them creatively in a foreign kitchen in a foreign land.



works available through silent auction 12 Jan - 9 Feb 2025: https://hk.givergy.com/bethunehouse/?controller=home



Susan left us eventually and returned to the Philippines. I tried my best to stay in touch as a kid. It didn't last long. When I was a child, I didn’t know the great sacrifices of these women who lived far away from their hometowns, children, husbands and friends. I just took them for granted as a part of my life. Nothing is a given. For our lives to be easier, their lives turned upside down.


On Saturday, two volunteers came to pick up my works. I had classes all day and I might not be able to reply to text messages immediately. I had explained to KY the curator. Before class started, I worked with my student to frame the artworks and placed them neatly in the hallway, and informed the volunteer Ann. During class, one student is preparing for his the IGCSE art exam and another was preparing to enter the university design degree. I felt like I was talking for the length of eternity. I heard some noise outside the door and thought the work had been moved away.


When I finally took a break from talking, I opened the door and was surprised to see Ann and her companions sitting quietly at the door. Upon seeing me, they shyly and awkwardly asked me to help them call gogovan (delivery truck.)



works available through silent auction 12 Jan - 9 Feb 2025: https://hk.givergy.com/bethunehouse/?controller=home



Something hit me like a lightning. I stood dumbfounded. This picture of déjà vu is the same when my students’ domestic helpers wait quietly to pick them up after class. Ann and her companions quietly waited for me to be free to pay them attention. Their gentle and submissive expressions spoke volume about class and power.


I came to my senses and immediately called gogovan for them. I couldn't go downstairs with them and wrote down the Chinese address on a piece of paper. After making sure the agency would pay for the fare and that they knew the way to Wyndham Social just in case, I bid them farewell and said excitedly, “See you on Thursday.”


Calling gogovan is a very basic survival skill in Hong Kong! They had no choice but to wait and seek help. It is always a blessing to give rather than to receive. I always prefer to be a giver, which means you have the ability and resources. Now it’s your turn to give!!!

Since 1986, Bethune House has been Hong Kong's most reliable refuge for migrant women worker’s in crisis. They are a community-driven emergency shelter that provides food, medical and other assistance. By providing for basic needs, they enable migrant women worker’s in crisis to seek justice and achieve empowerment because of insufficient support systems for them in Hong Kong.



works available through silent auction 12 Jan - 9 Feb 2025: https://hk.givergy.com/bethunehouse/?controller=home



KY put a lot of effort into planning a fundraising exhibition, and I am just one participating artist among many. Judging from the volume of messages with me alone, it’s hard to imagine the amount of communication work she has undertaken. I made a brand new woodcut painting especially for this exhibition, showing along with five other woodcut paintings and woodcut prints. KY has also prepared some beautiful products like tote bags and postcards. If you don’t want to buy the original works, you can support by buying some small products.


The fundraising exhibition opens this Thursday. Come to the opening! And buy something (anything) to support. If you’re unable to come in person, the silent auction opens on Thursday 13 Jan 2025.



Last but not least, don’t underestimate the power of your network, please share this event with your own friends and contacts. This is a truly meaningful event built with love. You will look good sharing it. xoxo



✵✶✺





We’re excited to invite you to the 𝐓𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬: 𝐓𝐰𝐨 𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐬, 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐫, by Bethune House and Wyndham Social, a fundraising auction symbolising community solidarity with over 30 featured artworks from prominent migrant and local Hong Kong artists. This art collection underscores the resilience and compassion of Hong Kong's communities. The auction would allow this essential shelter to stay in operation when met with the generous support across sectors.


Silent Auction is online now! Bring home the precious art together with great love:


Opening Reception

16 Jan 2025 (Thu) 6:30-8:30pm


Kitchen Day

host by Bethune House Residents, Lo Lai Lai & Yip Kai Chun

19 Jan 2025 (Sun) 1:00-4:00pm


Live Auction Night

7 Feb 2025 (Fri) 6:00-9:00pm


Exhibition

17 Jan - 9 Feb 2025

G/F, 33 Wyndham Street, Central, Hong Kong

11:00am-9:00pm daily


For more details please visit:

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Ⓒ 2022-2025  Michelle Fung

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